It's amazing what a song can teach you...

So i haven't blogged in quite some time, but to be honest, I haven't really had that much to blog about...well, I have. I just haven't had the time. But last night a song come on the radio that I've heard a thousand times. And last night was the first time I really heard it, and it brought tears to my eyes as I listened to the words. Before I tell you what the song was, let me give you a little recap of what's been going on w/ me here lately.


Over the last year or so, I've been on what you could call a "spiritual rollercoaster". The first half of 2009 was awesome. I felt like my spiritual life was the best it had ever been, and I just knew there was no going back to the unhappy life I lead for so many years. But then something happened...not real sure what...and I started to lose focus. I was still trying to trust God, but I was only trusting Him with things that I knew, or felt, would be part of His plan for me. If I thought His answer for me would be "No", I wouldn't even go to God with it.


God revealed Himself to me on more than one occasion anyway. I would ask for something specific, and He would show me things that I didn't want to see, but needed to see. Things that I knew were wrong, yet I continued to go along with what I wanted to do. Over time, that took a tol on me. I wasn't...I'm not...in the same place I was a year ago, and that's totally my fault.


So last night I was in the car and heard part of an interview w/ the lead singer of a band called "Tenth Avenue North" about a song called "By Your Side". The question was asked what meaning the song had and what message the band hoped to share with it. The lead singer said (and i paraphrase) that basically people tend to move away from God when they know they are doing things in their lives that they shouldn't be doing. But that is actually when God wants us to move closer to Him. So I listened to the words and I just wanted to bust out crying. That is exactly what I do. I feel like I have no right to turn to God when I know I've been doing things I shouldn't be doing. But I was reminded last night that EVERYBODY is a sinner, and NOBODY is perfect & blameless. So I wanted to share the words of that song with you:

By Your Side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

It's such a powerful song, and definitely one of my favorites.

On another note: As some of you know, I was living in a very bad part of Hoover all of last year. Now, when I say bad, I'm talkin' rowdy neighbors, drug deals going down across the street, gunshots at all hours of the day and night, and a crazy lady next door that could "feel the electricity coming out of her walls and flowing into her body". Now, when I moved into these apartments, I was not aware of everything that was apparently the "norm". Once I started witnessing the crazyness, I decided that I was not going to get too comfortable there, and I started just looking at houses. I didn't know if I was ready for such a huge decision and change in my life, so I started praying about it. I started looking at houses w/ Carol Lowe (w/ Remax Southern Homes). She was awesome. I can't imagine I was the easiest person to work with, with all of my going back and forth. But she was very patient with me. I also had the pleasure working with Mr. Donald Haynes w/ MortgageBanc. Now, I won't lie...I was a little worried about the whole "home buying process". I had started it the year before but I freaked out about it once the ball got rolling and called off the whole thing. I realize now that it was not in God's timing for me to have a house then. I wasn't ready. I'm glad I waited.

Anyway, so with the help of Mrs. Lowe & Mr. Haynes, I found the perfect house. It came to me in one of those email alerts one day. There were no pictures, but there was something about it that I loved. So I called Mrs. Lowe and she set up a viewing of it that same night. Turns out it went on the market that day and there wasn't even a sign in the yard yet. I fell in love with it as soon as I walked in the door. It had a HUGE kitchen, lots of cabinet & counter space, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, high ceilings, a large living room, and the biggest master bedroom. Oh yeah...and big walk-in closets. So we wrote a contract on it that night...and the rest is history! So I am now living in my very first house that is my very own. I am so very excited and will be posting pictures soon.

I hope you all have a fabulous week!
Loves!

it really has been a while...

hey guys!
i am so sorry i haven't blogged in a while, but things really have been beyond crazy. when i have more time, i will blog.

in the mean-time, if you remember, please keep my dad in your prayers. he is having another cancer surgery tomorrow on his neck. they will be removing cancer from the right side of his neck as well as his vocal chord. it has also spread to his lungs, but they aren't as concerned about that right now. but please keep him in your prayers.

loves!

is "shopping" for a man really that easy?

over the weekend, i had the opportunity to go and hang out at A & D's house and spend some time w/ the kids. as always, it was a lot of fun. i had been playing outside w/ them when i came inside to check my email. Bud follows me in and sits in the rocking chair next to the computer. he looks like he's in deep thought, so i just let him think. finally, he looks up at me and asks me "deedeed, do you want to have kids?"...the rest of the conversation went like this:

me: yes Bud, one day i do want to have kids

bud: well you know deedeed, you have to have a husband before you can have kids

me: yes i know that. but right now deedeed doesn't have a husband

bud: we'll just have to find you one then

me: how do you think we should go about doing that?

bud: well, you can find you one on the computer

me: really?

bud: yeah! or you can go to walmart.

me: walmart?

bud: yes, walmart.

me: um. ok. so you think i should go find me a husband at walmart...

bud: yup. how about the next time we come to spend the night, we can just head on up to walmart and look for you a husband.

there was some other dialogue but i can't remember it all. but isn't that just the cutest? if it was really that easy, that would be fabulous!

Valentine's Weekend

this is has been the funnest weekend. i'm usually opposed to Valentine's Day, but not this year. This year, I've decided to change my outlook. And please don't think i oppose valentine's day b/c i'm single and i have nobody to give me flowers or chocolates. that's not it at all. i just think it's silly devote one single holiday to loving those around you when you really should be doing it all year round.

anyway, friday night, my grandmother, aunt susan & uncle ronnie came into town from louisville, ga. they have been staying at amanda's, so i spent almost all of the weekend down at their house. we've just had the best time telling old embarrassing (and i do mean EMBARRASSING) stories about each other from the past, eating lots of good food, and just loving & fellowshipping with each other. this weekend has been about loving each other and spending quality time as a family since we don't get to see each other very often. {louisville is a little town outside of augusta, and almost all of my family (on both sides) is from there. it's a wonderful place of history and memories.} i've decided to post a few picturest that were taken last night.

this is my aunt susan helping amanda get dinner ready.david decided to give me a silly smile while he was grilling the burgers

steven was wrestling around w/ michael~that's uncle ronny waving at the camera~~and mamaw is waiting patiently at the table for dinner to be ready~

I apologize if my pictures and captions are all over the place.

i'm still trying to learn how to do this. the above picture is all the

kids jumping on the trampoline, and the one to my right is at

the end of the night and Riley was so worn out that he used my

hand as his pillow.

I've been tagged...

I hope i do this right, but Amanda has "tagged" me about posting a pic. so i am going to follow the directions and then tag someone else...although i don't know many people on here, I'm just going to guess, so bare with me.

the instructions are to go into the 4th folder of your pictures file; pick the 4th picture; explain the picture; then tag 4 more people. so here i go.

in my picture (from left to right) is Jim, our head golf professional at Old Overton. In the middle is his lovely wife Cathy. On the right is the wonderful Roger. He is a member at Old Overton. He and his lovely wife Debbie (not pictured) have a place in Tuscaloosa that they rent all year long just so they have a place to go for Alabama games (football & basketball). They so wonderfully open their home up to anyone who wants to come and hang out (within reason of course). they really are really sweet people!

so now I'm going to tag:

1) rachel z. c. 2) allison c. b. 3) kim s. m. 4) merideth q.

i don't know if all of you ladies read my blog, but just in case you do, you've been tagged!

have a wonderful Wednesday! what a lovely day, huh?

it's been too long...

it's been a while since i blogged, and i'm pretty sure i won't write a lot tonight. but i felt like i needed to write something since it's been so long.

i just want to say how thankful i am for all that God has blessed me with when i am most undeserving. have you ever just sat back and thought about the love God must feel for us? it overwhelms me sometimes b/c i look back over my life and wonder 'why'. i've made some stupid decisions over my lifetime, and i've done some very dumb things. i think i can honestly say that it is only by the grace of God that i am alive today. so many times i turned my back on the people that mattered most in my life...and yet...today...things are 150% different (in a good way). my life is sooo different, and i can't imagine ever going back to the way things used to be.

as some of you know, i've been attending church of the highlands. i think that if i hadn't gotten involved there when i did, who knows where i'd be today. i'm not saying that it's the church that has changed me. God definitely gets all the credit for that, but being a part of that church has been so awesome. the people are different, the atmostphere is different...everything is different. the first time i went, i was with my mom. we went b/c a friend of hers invited us to go. i won't lie...it scared me a little bit. the music was louder; the worship was different; everything was just different. but i was drawn to it, and i wanted to go back. i knew someone else that went there, so i started going with her (my wonderful friend tammy). she had been going there a lot longer than me, so she knew more people. we joined a small LIFE group together. it was such a great group of women from all walks of life.

i went to a women's weekend retreat that the church had. it was really good, and i was glad i went, but i felt like something was holding me back. i was into it, but not completely. at the end of the 12 wk "semester" of the LIFE group, they had a weekend retreat for all of the LIFE groups. i think they said 55 small groups were represented at that retreat (i think they said they have almost 700). anyway, i totally didn't want to go, or so i thought. there was some major spiritual warfare going on inside of me. my mom told me that obviously there was something that satan didn't want me to experience, so i needed to make it a point to be there. it started on a friday, i registered that thursday (the day before). that friday night was pretty good. i was definitely glad i went. now, i have never really been much of a cryer. but i felt a little tug at the heart strings that friday night, and i might have shed a tear or two b/c of the conviction i was feeling. the next morning (saturday) i got up to take riley outside and i kept hearing this beeping noise. i figured out it was my neighbor's fire alarm. she wasn't home, but the beeping was weird. so i went and looked at my alarm and the type of beeping it was was the alert for carbon monoxide. i went to talk to another neighbor, and of course ms. betty was already on top of that one (she's the old lady neighbor who knows everybody's business). so i went back to my place, got dressed, and prayed that God would protect my home and my babies b/c not even a carbon monoxide leak was going to keep me from going to this retreat.

can i just say that the tears flowed that day and i haven't been able to stop since, lol. i cry at commercials now! i was able to let go of so much anger, shame, bitterness, hurt, resentment, hatred, jealousy, selfishness, and anything else that was weighing me down. it is so refreshing now to know that i don't carry around any of those issues. it's amazing what happens when you lay everything before God's feet. and it's been an incredible ride ever since.

i'm not perfect by any means, and i'm definitely still a work in progress. but i'm so excited to see where my life is headed, b/c i'm absolutely excited about the direction it's taken already.
wow! that ended up being longer than i intended. i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it. Loves! :-)

the ''after christmas'' blog...

i finally had a little down time at work today, so i decided to take a few minutes and write a short blog.

december was a crazy busy month for me and our family. it seemed like there was always something going on, and we always had somewhere to be. i hope it doesn't sound bad when i say that i'm so glad january is here. things can finally slow down, and i can catch my breath. i hope everyone had a fabulous christmas holiday.

like my sister, i am so thakful that i got to see everyone i was able to see this holiday season...from family to friends we haven't seen in many many years.

i realize this is a short and boring blog, but i must get back to work for now. i'll write more later!